Battling Battles

The next few months felt like a constant battle. Though at only six days old Tess allowed for Damian to take Aryn for a few hours, the next day was Father’s Day and Tess didn’t allow for Damian to see the baby. That started a lot of drama. First, he wasn’t there when she was born, now he wasn’t going to be able to spend his first Father’s Day with her? Damian couldn’t hold his tongue anymore. They began to fight and things didn’t stop there.

To no surprise, Tess gave Aryn her last name, instead of Damian’s. All she kept repeating was that her and Damian weren’t married and therefore, she wasn’t going to have Damain’s last name. This was just another jab to Damian. I could understand if he was a nobody and leaving Tess high and dry but Damian wanted to be involved! He tried everything. He’d text her everyday and asked how she slept, if she ate, if she needed anything. Tess was replying with little to no detail and it’s as if all our progress had gone out the window. She even held to inform him when her doctor visits were. This didn’t look good, until one day, Tess stopped replying all together.

She had done this before, late in her pregnancy due to stress. She said Damian wasn’t there for her and she didn’t need him. I blamed the hormones because eventually they had to talk again once the baby was born but she was here now, things had to get settled.

The words, “I’ll see you in court” was being tossed back and forth like a tennis ball. Things were gonna get ugly. Damian was going to fight for shared custody, as well as giving her his last name. Tess wasn’t having it. She repeated with anger that her baby was going to have her last name and that was final, because they weren’t married. It was beginning to be a lot.

I, on the other hand was going through my own issues. My first doctor visit couldn’t have gone more smoothly. Baby was growing great until one day, I got the scare of a lifetime.

It was a normal day, nothing crazy happened, I felt no pain what so ever, just the urge to pee which was nothing to be alarmed about.

I made my way to the bathroom, pulled my shorts and panties down at the same time and my heart sank when I saw that they were covered in blood.

My chest hurt. My heart was pounding. I couldn’t catch my breath. I called Damian who was across the street at the time.

“Yes baby?”, he said as he skipped the hello.

“I…I need you to come over.” I said without holding back my tears.

“My love, what’s wrong?”

“I’m bleeding!”

“I’m coming baby, I’ll be right there!”

I hung up and staying in the bathroom, waste down naked, crying.

It took him about 3 mintues before I heard a tiny knock.

“Baby, can I come in?”

I slowly opened the door, trying to lower my cry because my son still didn’t know he was going to be a big brother. Was he though? What was happening? I had never experienced this before and I was bleeding? That obviously couldn’t be good. Damian went to grab clean  clothes as I called my mom.

“I’m coming!!” She said, after hearing my cry.

I swear, my mom was there within 5 mintues, she probably passed every red light.

I was nervous, not only was I bleeding but this was the first time Damian and my mom were going to be in the same room together.

My mother still wasn’t fond of Damian, but this wasn’t the time to get into that, right?

My mom told me everything would be okay and she was going to take me to the hospital. Damian still “wasn’t allowed” to drive his truck due to the wishes of his parents so him taking me was out of the picture.

This crushed me, as my mom helped me to the car, Damian stood helpless. He knew he wasn’t getting in the car with me. How could he?

Now, I know I’m going to hear, “He’s the dad, he should he there.” You’re absolutely right! I wanted him there but it’s just what happened at the time.

We made our way to the hospital and Damian couldn’t help himself. He told his parents that I was carrying their second grandbaby and that something was wrong. To my surprise, they dropped him off at the hospital.

I was already signed in, scared out of my mind waiting to get called.

I had to pee again, there I saw just more red. I broke down in the stall.

I slowly made my way back to the waiting room where my mom, stepdad and Damian were waiting.

I broke down into tears and my mom just repeated that everything would be okay.

“Lord please! Please let my baby be okay! It can be a boy, I promise! Just let them be okay!” The tears weren’t stopping.

“Shhhh. Look at me. I promise, you’re going to be okay.”

Moments passed and my name was finally called. I was shaking, I just needed that ultrasound to get a glimpse of a heart beat.

The gel hit my stomach and it took all about 30 seconds before she said, “Baby has a heartbeat.”

I cried, my shaking still hadn’t stopped but I couldn’t be more relieved. Our baby was alive.

I walked out and I still remember all eyes on me. “They found a heartbeat.”

“Oh thank God!” I heard my mom whisper.

Damian just took a very deep breath and hugged me. He walked me to my seat and stayed holding my hand. He kissed my cheek and whispered he loved me. I just closed my eyes and continued to steady my breathing.

Turns out after getting my results, I did have to take it easy because I did have a bleed in my sack but in time everything was going to be okay. Luckily for me, that was the case.

After I got cleared, it was time to head home. Since Damian had gotten dropped off, he looked at me and it’s as if I could read his mind.

“You’re coming with us.” I whispered as my mom and stepdad walked ahead of us.

“It’s okay, I’ll find a way home.”

Still whispering, “That’s crazy, you live across the street. You’re coming!”

I raised my voice, “Mom we’re taking him home.”

She didn’t say a word but I didn’t take it as a no.

It was going to be awkward but after the night we had and the doctor saying I didn’t need stress, I envisioned a quiet car ride home. I was wrong.

We made it to about the stop sign before my mother turned to make sure Damian was listening.

“Corine doesn’t need this.”

“Mom!”

“No, he needs to know that you’re not gonna take this.”

“Take what? Mom, can we not do this now? Doctor said no stress.”

“Exactly, he’s your stress. His whole life brings you stress. You don’t need that.”

“Mom, we’re fine.” Trying to drop the subject but I knew what she meant.

Damian, a new dad who doesn’t get to see his kid, a job that pays literally enough just for gas, gas to put in my car since I drove him everywhere because of the stupid truck issues. I knew exactly what she was talking about but he’s the father of my baby and my boyfriend, I was going to stick up for him.

Like mentioned, Damian had little to no voice but I stood up for him. He was numb and embarrassed. He didn’t want her putting him down but again, he knew she was right. It just sucked that she was. She wanted more for her daughter and future grandbaby but I knew he could do it. I had hope that he was going to make all the changes he needed to, for us.

Days passed and my bleeding finally stopped. My follow up just confirmed bedrest for a couple more weeks for precaution. It drove me nuts but anything for Pebbles.

Pebbles was the nickname we gave our baby, because we love penguins and when a Male penguin falls in love, he searches the whole beach for the perfect pebble. He places it in front of his lady and if she accepts, they’re soulmates for life.

I wish everything was that simple but Damian and Tess were still waiting for court dates. It was soon approaching and Damian hadn’t seen Ayrn in weeks. It was totally unfair, in every way possible. Tess just repeated that once everything was in writing, she’d feel more comfortable with visits. I tried to understand as a mother but even I didn’t get it. Damian was trying his best and though it wasn’t to her standards, she shouldn’t have held their baby hostage, not when he’s trying to be there for his child.

The day had finally arrived. I waited patiently to hear from him from home. Again, it wasn’t my place. He needed to show the judge he could stand on his own.

I felt horrible. Either way, someone was going to get hurt. I couldn’t imagine the emotions running through their veins. A few hours passed and my phone rang.

“Hello?”

“Aryn officially has my last night.”

“What?! Baby! That’s great! Aww, I’m so happy for you!!”

“I can’t believe it!”

“Wow. Man, this is so crazy! How’s Tess?”

“Ehh, not happy but I kinda have bad news. Well, not bad but…kinda sad news.”

“What?”

“The judge took away her middle name.”

“What the heck?! Why?”

“Now Tess’ last name is her middle name.”

“Ohh, so she has both now?”

“Yes, the judge told Tess that he could tell I wanted to be involved but he explained that she’s the mom and since we’re not together this should be a compromise.”

“So, are you okay?”

“Yea! She has my last name now, that’s all I wanted. I want my baby girl to know daddy isn’t going anywhere.”

“No he’s not! I love you babe. I’m so happy for you.”

“I love you too! I’m also excited cause now that the judge signed the papers, visitation starts. 50/50!”

“Aww my Mamacita! I can’t wait to see her!”

“Me too, I miss her.”

“I know you do love. I’ll see you when you get home.”

“Okay baby. I love you.”

“Love you too.”

After that, things changed. Damian and Tess had a schedule and for the most part everything was in order but once again the truck issue was a problem.

Damian was out of work at 5 and his visits would start at 6 and we all know Corpus traffic. If he was even 2 minutes late, Tess was already calling me asking where he was. I would stay calm and just explain he was on his way. I wasn’t trying to be on her bad side when the fact that she was calling was a sign she felt comfortable to be calling in the first place.

One day his mom asked if it was okay to pick her up. She worked close by and she thought that would help. She explained she would get her and take her to his house. He appreciated the gesture and agreed.

That evening everything went smoothly. Damian and all the main girls in his life were surrounded by baby Aryn, his grandma, mom, two sisters and myself all taking turns holding his daughter. He was so happy. By now our pregnancy had spread and everyone was team boy, except for me.

I still wanted my own baby girl and even though the idea of Aryn as my step daughter was becoming more natural for me, I longed for a baby girl of my own. My own mini me, if you will.

As the days and weeks continued the offer of picking up baby Ayrn by Damian’s mother was starting to become a regular thing. At first it was helpful but then the issues began.

His mom started taking her to her own house instead of across the street and that quickly started to complicate things.

Though he strived to be a great father, it seemed like many obstacles were holding him back. He didn’t have his own vehicle, he wasn’t making enough money to fully support himself after child support, which meant he couldn’t afford to get a vehicle to pick up his own daughter. The struggles were starting to pile up.

When Damian’s mom would take Aryn to her house, he ask her to bring her to his. She explained that Aryn was her granddaughter and she wanted time with her. He understood but he wanted time too. She was his daughter, whatever he felt was best should’ve been the end of the discussion but that never seemed to be the case.

This seemed to be a never ending battle. We all know that though we’re supposed to get out at 5 o’clock, that’s not always the case so he really did appreciate when his mother or sister could pick her up on his behalf and Tess didn’t seem to mind either but it’s when he felt tricked that would cause issues.

He was scheduled to get her every other day from 6-9pm but given the fact that she lived on the other side of town, didn’t help. The drive alone was about 20 minutes so it’s not like we had her a full 3 hours anyways.

The battling continued, it even got to the point where Damian text Tess to not allow his mother to pick up Aryn anymore because it seemed like she was making her own schedule.

She would pick up Aryn at 6, and when Damian would ask for her she would say, “I’ll take her around 7/7:30.” Which gave Damian about an hour. She thought that was fair. She wanted half of the schedule time.

That’s not how this works. Damian was sharing time with Tess, not Tess AND his mother. He would explain that if she wanted to see her granddaughter, she could, but she could see her at his house where her nursery was but she always had an excuse. His dad seemed to be the secret reasoning why his mom would never take Ayrn straight to Damian’s place.

“Your dad wants to see her too Damian.”

“Okay mom, he can see her at Grandma’s like everyone else.”

It was always something. Either his dad was going to have dinner or needed to shower after work to be able to hold her and Damian didn’t care. All he wanted was time with his daughter. If he used the truck he’d get a huge lecture and everyone would be on his case and if not, he always felt like he never had enough time with his baby.

As much as it hurt, this brought Damian and I closer. I told him to stand up for himself and he did his best. He had one daughter with another baby on the way, he needed to show people he could take care of his family. The hunt for a better job continued. He still hoped to get the title to the truck from his parents. We started getting Aryn more and it really felt like my little family was complete. We couldn’t wait to find out the gender, especially me but we were nervous.

I so badly wanted to have a gender reveal party but it wasn’t looking good. My mother and Damian hadn’t spoken since the night at the hospital when I had my scare and both our families hadn’t spoken at all.

My family was still getting comfortable with me even being pregnant but also they hated the way Damian’s family treated him. They didn’t see the point of the constant issues. He was a father now, he needed to provide for his family and they didn’t seem to get that and since my mom was the one throwing your reveal, it seemed to be an unspoken but aware notion that his family not be invited.

Now, I won’t go into details but this reveal was bitter sweet. This was going to be the first party hosted after the passing of my grandmother. I love my Grandmama and this unexpected passing affected us all. My mother was planning this party just two months after, it wasn’t easy but I appreciated it.

Damian didn’t 100% agree to have his family not attend but he understood. There was so much drama at the time and because I couldn’t be stressed due to my bleed, he agreed to two separate reveals, my family first and then with his.

My due date was February 19th and my reveal was set for October 12th. Pink or blue? I couldn’t wait! The day was about to arrive.

Damian’s family knew about the reveal but the specifics were left out. At the time I didn’t feel bad, I selfishly just wanted my party and respected my mothers wishes because she was throwing it for me. I wasn’t going to have a baby shower so this was the only time where at least my family and friends would all be gathered to talk about baby Pebbles.

I woke up with butterflies. The day had finally arrived. Pink or blue? Pink or blue? Everyone was team blue, even Damian but I truly believed I was having a girl. Was I right? Or did I just want a girl so bad, I just believed what I hoped. Does anyone really know?

My best girl friends knew the biggest secret they would ever have to keep and I was about to explode, pink or blue?

The party was lovely, great food and company but the time was now. Pink or blue?