Special Delivery

My hands stayed shaking as I held onto the pee stick. I couldn’t breath, this couldn’t be.

“I was responsible, I….I did everything right.”

My emotions were everywhere. This wasn’t the plan. This WASN’T the plan.

I wanted a baby, someday, just not now!! What the heck was I going to do? How was Damian going to feel? How was the rest of our family going to handle it? I couldn’t believe it.

I tried to shake it off, I looked down and placed my two hands on my belly and tears fell down the side of my face.

“I promise, I promise everything is going go be okay.” I whispered to my unborn baby.

I wiped my tears and started to think of ways to tell Damian. Though, it was obviously very unexpected, I still wanted to try and surprise him. Nothing big because, because he was probably going to think it was a joke anyway.

So, I went to pinterest for ideas. I would’ve loved to go all out with pink and blue balloons filling our room but I was still scared of his reaction.

I headed to the mall and purchased a personal cookie cake, I chose an image of a baby rattle and asked them to color it pink and baby blue. With that, I wrote a note, ” Roses are red, violets are blue. Inside me, beats two hearts for you.”

It wasn’t the extravagant way we always talked about but it was short, sweet and to the point. I needed something fast before he came home.

Hours passed and the fact that I was able to keep it that long from him, had my anxious. He had finally gotten home!

The cookie cake was in a box, and I placed it on the tv stand in our room. A few moment after saying our hellos and talking about our day, I asked him look inside the cookie box and bring me a piece.

He walked up, I was nervous. He opened the box and I saw his shoulders fall. He chuckled and proceeded to read the note outloud. On the bed, I was waiting for his response. Damian turned with a smile.

“You’re pregnant?!”

All I could do was nod.

He jumped on the bed and began to hug and kiss me all over. My tears were already falling but somehow I was smiling.

“Baby, what’s wrong?”

“Babe! We’re having a baby!”

“I know!! Isn’t it great?” Now he was talking in a “baby voice”….”We’re having a baaaaaby.”

I wiped my tears and just giggled as I held him back.

“Aren’t you scared?”

“No way! Are you kidding me? I get to have a baby with MY baby! I love you. We’re having a baby!”

I knew he was right, I wanted a baby so bad and even though it definitely wasn’t the right time, maybe this was a sign. With my health issues, maybe this was Gods way of saying it was now or never. We were having a baby!

Damian and I spent the rest of the night rubbing my belly and talking about all the wonderful things to come. It was time to spread the baby news, once again.

Now, even though I was a 28 year old woman who was very independent. Telling my friends and family still kind of scared me. I told my besties first. They was shocked as ever! The timing was all wrong and I understood but as true besties, they were happy for me and supported our relationship.

Next up, my mom. Now, the relationship I have with my mother is truly special. I hold her close to my heart and no matter the lecture I was possibly about to encounter, my mother loves me unconditionally, so I actually wasn’t scared to tell her. I was nervous, but not scared.

If I could tell her at 19, I could definitely tell her at 28. I wanted to make the moment special for her as well. This was going to surprise her, especially since her only grandbaby, my son, was already 7 and a half.

I explored many ideas but I finally settled on one. I engraved a box with the word, Grandma, on it. That wouldn’t be suspicious since she was already in fact a grandmother.

Inside held a strip of paper that read, “This is the size of your new grandbaby.” As she finished reading it, I was going to open my hand which would present a poppy seed. I was nervous but it was time.

I headed over and surprised her with a bag and yes, I literally bought a bag of poppy seed bagels for the occasion when I don’t even eat bagels but I needed one little seed.

She was smiling, surprised to be recieving an unexpected gift. She opened it and expressed that the box was beautiful. I asked her to open it. My knee was shaking up and down and my heart was beating super fast.

She read, “This is the size of your new grandbaby” and looked at me puzzled.

“What does it say?”

“Umm…this the size of my new grandbaby?”

“Mmhmm”, I said as I opened my hand.

A little confused, she read the paper one more time.

Whispering to herself, “This…is the size …of your new grandbaby.”

I lifted my palm closer to her.

Her eyes grew wide and she finally clicked!

“You’re pregnant?!”

No words could leave my mouth. As soon as she asked, my tears flowed and nodding was the only way I could reply.

“Ohh, come here. Come here.” She said as she wrapped her arms around me.

“I’m sorry mom. I’m so sorry.”

“Shh…it’s okay. Baby’s are a blessing. I see you always taking your pill. God works in mysterious ways.”

I wiped my tears and continued to nod in aggreeance.

“A baby? Ayy, Corina.”

I giggled as my voice cracked, “I know. Crazy.” I said, as I wiped more tears away.

“Oh my gosh.” She said as she chuckled too.

My stepped dad arrived a few moments later and to no surprise he thought it was a prank. I assured him it wasn’t. He congratulated me and asked little to no questions. The fact was, I know this happened so suddenly after James had moved out, I’m sure a part of them questioned if there was even the slightest chance it could be his. Of course there wasn’t but they knew that even though James and I didn’t workout, like mentioned, he was a great dad. The thought of Damian as a father was still not certain due to the fact that baby Aryn hadn’t made her entrance into the world yet.

Little by little more and more family found out the news but we decided to hold off a bit on telling Damians family, at least until I was further along. I didn’t want to take away the moment from Tess, nor did I want all eyes on me when I wanted all eyes on baby Aryn.

One very early morning while Damian and I were sound asleep, the ringer of Tess woke us. I had never been so scared. This was it. Our hearts racing, trying to reach for the phone. I pulled it off the charger and kept hitting Damian to wake up.

“Wake up! Wake up!! It’s her!”

We stumbled like idiots trying to just answer the phone but he finally answered it.

“Hello?” He said, not trying to sound as if he was just in a deep sleep.

The volume was loud enough to hear and the words I heard next broke us both.

“She’s here.” Tess said with a tired voice.

“She’s here??? What do you mean, she’s here?”

My heart broke for my love, he wasn’t able to be there and all I could do was try to relax the emotions rushing through him. I placed my hand on his shoulder and whispered, “relax, she’s here. Your baby is here.”

Damian tried to stay calm but I could tell he was so distraught.

“When?? Where are you? Is she okay? Why didn’t you call me?”

“I got here at midnight and she was born a little after 5, I didn’t want the drama so I didn’t call.”

I could see his hand beginning to make a fist but I decided to reach for it so he could squeeze.

I nodded and whispered, “It’s okay, she’s here. She’s healthy, get dressed baby. Go see your baby.”

A few more hospital details were shared and then they hung up. We stayed in silence for a few seconds.

“My love?” I said as I lifted his chin. “You have a daughter.”

Damian looked up and though it took him a second, he smiled.

“I wanna meet her.”

“Get dressed, I’ll call your sister.”

The news spread and once again, it wasn’t my place to head to the hospital with him. This was their time, I knew I’d get my chance eventually.

Damian spent most of the day there but of course the topic of not getting a call was brought up and upset Tess. She then asked him to leave. Damian wanted answers because he truly was hurt. I couldn’t imagine what he was feeling. Missing a moment he could never get back. Everyone felt bad, expect Tess.

Baby Aryn was born just 4 days after finding out we were pregnant. This was insane but nothing surprised me anymore.

Damian spent the next few days after work with Tess. It was just for a few hours but everytime Damian came back smiling. He wished Tess would allow him to bring her over to his house but even I agreed she was too little to be out of the house. Tess was attempting to breastfeed so she needed her mommy.

Tess had made it clear that baby Aryn wouldn’t be leaving the house for the first few months besides doctor visits and maybe it’s just a Mexican tradition but I was on board. Don’t get me wrong, it totally sucked because I wanted to meet her so bad but even with my own son, I kept him home for the first 3 months so I knew I was no one to talk. Though Damian was upset by her decision, I actually tried to reassure Damian that everything was okay. He didn’t understand but somehow it made him feel better when I explained that she wasn’t trying to intentionally hurt him, it was just a family tradition.

“You know, our baby is going to stay home for the first 3 months, right?”

“But it’s easy for my family, they live across the street.”

“That’s fine, they can come from across the street. I’m not taking the baby out.”

“Okay, that’s fine.”

“So why is it fine for our baby and not yalls?”

Damian looked at me puzzled. I didn’t want him to agree with me because he loved me and we were together, I wanted him to understand that even though he had two children with two different mothers, he needed to treat the children as equals. That’s when he began to understand. Baby Aryn was here and our baby was cooking, he was a dad of two before his first was even born. If he was going to grow up, the time was now.

Though Tess tried to breastfeed, unfortunately there was a change of plans. She switched to bottles, which gave Damian the courage to ask if it would be okay to have baby Aryn over to his house. Her nursery was beautiful and he couldn’t wait to have some Father and Daughter time. He appreciated her allowing him to go over but he wanted to take her and show her off to his side of the family. I felt bad because he kept getting his hopes up, just to be pulled down again but to my surprise, Tess agreed.

She was exhausted and just wanted to shower in peace and sleep. She allowed Damian to take her for a few hours, I couldn’t believe it.

I watched them carefully take her inside and patiently waited for Damian to give me the okay to head over. My stomach was flipping all over the place. I made sure I wasn’t wearing anything scented and I washed my hands so many times. I was nervous and it was obvious. There was so many emotions. I was excited, nervous, curious. This was it.

My phone buzzed and I smiled. I made my way across the street and quietly opened the door because as most newborns, I assumed she’d be sleeping. I washed my hands once more and there, in the middle of the kitchen Damian whispered, “Baby, meet Aryn.”

He finished his sentence as he ever so gently handed her to me. Carefully holding her head, I just stared at her. I was in aww. I was speechless. Little hairs, button nose and tiny lips.

She was sound asleep and my eyes were glued to her. I just carried her in her pink blanket. The knot in my throat was back, I looked up at the man I loved and my eyes watered because only we knew that soon enough we’d have another baby to love. Our baby.

“Hi baby girl, I’m Corine.” I whispered as she wiggled her nose in her sleep. “I want you to know I love you and your daddy very much and I’m always going to be here for you, no matter what.”

Damian gazed at me as if he was falling more in love with every word. He wrapped his arms around the both of us and just whispered, “my girls.”